There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
