Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
