Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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