This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I need to stop coming to work sober
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
