Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
