last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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