My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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