I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize