...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
