I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
