how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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