I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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