So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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