I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
