Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
