i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
