Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
