i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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