Umm I'm too high to move.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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