remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
