WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
