Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
