do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
