worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
