The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
