This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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