At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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