Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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