Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
