do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
