I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
