How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
