If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize