Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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