I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
