Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
