I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
