Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
