I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
