are you so shy because you have an std?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
