Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize