yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
