you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize