I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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