i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
