Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
