Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
