rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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