this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
