I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
