Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
