Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
