k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
