No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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