Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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