At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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