I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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