i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I believe in your delicious
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
