Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
