i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
