New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
