Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
