The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
