HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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