I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
