I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
