i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
