I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
