She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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