some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
