I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
