My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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