If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its not stalking. its research.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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