im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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