Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
