Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
