piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
