47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i came on her dog
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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