All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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