You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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