Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize