just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
